Another Day

Another day and I am so far behind… I just cant seem to catch up any more and sometimes I just want to lay in the haze that I am in… I feel so depressed so stuck … so worried. I am tired of everything at the moment. I want to cry and scream and kick and say poor me!!!! My life is a mess a horrible mess and then I remember how many people have it worse than me. And how I not only owe it to myself and those that love me to succeed but also to my ancestors. I cant keep crouching down and crying next to this wall. I have to climb it, blast it down or die trying. Dying… hmph anything will be better than this right now. I detest it wallowing in self pity… I used to wallow for months at a time. But it just sickens me now. Makes me mad. I guess anger is more useful than sadness and self loathing anyway. So i’ve fallen on my ass for the umptenth time. It doesn’t hurt any less and all I can do is what I have to do. Get up Get up GET UP. I’m so fucking tired of dying inside. Its time to live. Yeah ill just keep telling myself that and one day damnt one day it will be true

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