Tasting the sun

TW: Eating disorder

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I live with an eating disorder.
I don’t talk about it because I’m not sure if I can keep my slap hand off of people who will inevitably respond “oh that’s why you’re fat”

Depending on the trigger I’ll either stop eating or won’t stop eating.

I’m struggling right now with the world but today I’m reminding myself that food can be medicine and I can think of it like medicine instead of good or bad or shame or congratulation points

I’m reminding myself of how smart my body is
I’m reminding myself to breathe before and after every bite
I’m reminding myself to taste the sun
I’m reminding myself to take in wholeness and not stuff down or silence grief sorrow or rage

I’m reminding myself that I get to feel the full range of emotion, that I don’t have to fear it or worry about being seen as less than because I have it.

I’m here in it.
And I’ll be here after it.

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